More Complaints

It seems my group of readers is getting harder to please. "Update more than once a year!" "We want current news!" "What is with this music?" (Not actual complaints. Complaints are computer generated based on reader(s) lack of comments. Actual complaints may vary. In rare cases complaints can be fatal. See your doctor.)

You, dear reader(s), are not the only complainers! My family feels they get the brunt of the posts. I remind them I posted the "mirror ripping off" adventure. Not to mention my old lady pill box. (I subsequently replaced it with a more "chic" box after seeing a nonagenarian with my exact pill box). Once again, however, I am outvoted. I hope you are amused. Also, for once, I hope you keep your comments to yourself!!

I finally agreed to do a sleep test. I have avoided this for a while because I was afraid that a.) they would find me completely normal and I would feel stupid, or b.) that I would beat someone up. For those of you that don't know, I do all sorts of weird stuff in my sleep. Pile laundry on the bed. Take the pictures off the walls. Mostly this doesn't affect me, although I wish I did something productive. Every once in a while, and recently more frequently, I will do something more "severe". Like call the hotel front desk to report a "poison bomb", wrap up Britt in a blanket and try to escape out the window. Oh, and mistake my husband for a terrorist/bomber something-or-other. Poor Brian reached his lifetime maximum "wife is trying to maim me" events, and begged me to see a Dr. So I did. And they hooked me up to all kinds of wires and tubes with sticky crud in my hair. They discovered that I don't sleep. Well, technically, I do. Just in increments of 40 seconds or so. Sleep apnea, upper air way restriction, and restless legs. I also have a rare (to women and my age) REM behavior disorder, which allows me to move and act out my dreams during REM sleep, when I should be paralyzed. Most REM behavior looks like this: violent kicking, screaming, and flopping, with eyes closed. I am extreme because I open my eyes and am purposeful.

Here is a photo (are you happy family?) of my poor tired swollen-faced self after the study. My skin took a reaction to the sticky goo, and my neck had bright red spots for 4 days.

The good news is I am using a cpap machine for the apnea. I'm still getting used to it. More good news, is I haven't yet used it to bash Brian. Even better news, reports Brian, is it "tethers" me to the bed.

There isn't much known about REM behavior disorders, and treatment consists of keeping clear pathways and an accessible light, although Brian tends to think a straight jacket is in order.

'til next post.

ei